Day Sixty-three - So long

And how were things between me and Dora? By 1997 we would have been going on two years together, and things were steady, though not spectacular. Mind you, me and Dora only had one argument ever, and that was very towards the end of our relationship. Most of the time though, we just got along, and settled in fine. But that was just the problem between us. We just kind of got along, and I think we stopped having strong feelings for each other very soon. At least I know I did - by our ninth month together I knew I wasn't in love with her anymore. I tried to break up with her, but she convinced me to stick it out. Was it a mistake? I often wish, and for her sake, that I'd been more adamant about my decision. I don't know about myself, but I'm sure she would have been much happier. But, having chosen to stay together, we did try to make the best out of it. Together, or with her sister Sara, or with S. first and then 'James', we would travel around the country and sometimes even abroad often. It would just be for the weekend or so, or sometimes we'd just return on the same day, but it did help us staying together. In truth, though, staying together was mostly what we did - we'd go to the movies, or to the beach, or go for walks or whatever, but there was an increasingly smaller amount of real affection between us. Things just sort of stopped happening. Sex became something that happened infrequently, going from once every few months to once a year if I was lucky. Oh, we slept in the same bed, we sometimes kissed goodnight, but that was mostly all, and I was, if not happy, then at least content. I was so numb that I convinced myself I didn't need anything else besides what I had and was receiving, maybe in kind, forr what I was probably also not giving.

But it was enough to maybe keep us going, though I sensed that we wouldn't last that much longer - but things always sort of seemed to happen that would help extend our relationship. You'll learn of one of those very instances soon enough, a personal tragedy that Dora and her sister unfortunately experienced. And it's something that I now realize that, had it not happened, then we'd probably have split up by then. What happened, the tragedy of it, made it impossible for me to morally do anything else other than stay by her side. 

And here's the truth : I could've been unfaithful to her all that time,I even had the chance to be with someone else. I mean, multiple times during that period of our relationship I phantasized and wondered how my life would be with someone else. But, weirdly, the only two girls I found remotely interesting looked a lot like Dora. So it stood to reason that it made more sense staying with the devil I knew, right?