I die in a void, only to be reborn in a new void : but whereas one signaled the end of everything, I now let loose my first cry into this darkness. It is emanating from within, resonating like a scream no one will ever hear, and as it spews forth from me and expands outwards and upwards and downwards and everywhere all at once, it becomes a line, and with this line I mark the past as a symbol of forgiveness. There is only light now, only time, only space - only love. I experience clarity now, and feel omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent. I am all and all is me and all is you and everything is energy and energy is you and me. At the center of it all, I am. My heart beats, I am. I am because we are. Because we will be. We will be... one day. And then, forever. Together we will live forever.
Into and across the unfathomable depths of the void, I wave my hands in a massive sweep and create the first firmament. I am struck by an immense sense of loneliness, the bitter pangs of being alone for so very long. Tears run down my face, and where they fall, stars are born. My tears are becoming a sea. I sow them across this endless panorama that stretches all around me, weaving a sea of stars to serve as beacons in the eternal dark. Omniscience, is a curse, though. I see that there are only two options before me : I am either tempted by my deification, and become a slave to this power, or I cede it. Every single instance of a possible future where I choose to keep the power leads to the same outcome from whence I originated. I wonder, am I part of a pattern or am I on the cusp of creating one anew? What choice then, do I truly have, when everything already feels pre-destined? I am rankled by these thoughts, and I choose poorly. Everything happens as it always does. I see myself meeting Sarah for the first time when we were just children. I relive the day she died, the promises, the deals with the dark, the damnation, and my usurpation of their power. I see myself crowned the king in red, he who has slain all gods and demons until there is naught, and there, at the end of time, everything ceases to be, and is as is now. I repeat the process, again and again and again, and again and again and again nothing changes. Billions of years become blinks of an eye. There is no time. No time. No time. No time. For all my power, I can't change anything. I feel powerless.
I return to this point, always to this moment where the choice is to be made. I can only effect change if I waiver all of this. Even though it comes at a price. Such an act will extract the heaviest toll, can I perform that sacrifice? For surrendering this power means that I cease to exist, I will be dissolved and spread across this new creation, and though the smallest iota of me will be present in everything, I will not be me again, and I will not see or even remember her again. Can I do this? Can I forsake the reasons that have led me down this path? I cannot, I refuse. The cycle begins again, I go through it all again and again. Even if it's for such a small amount of time. Even if it's all I'll ever have. But it can't last, each successive attempt feels less like a triumph and more like some cruel, cosmic jape played upon me. Am I but a puppet in the hands of some higher power? Everything tastes like ash now, I can't go on, I must go on. The cycle begins again, I go through it all again and again. Look, there at the end of time, the well of infinity and the deep dark pool where lovers stand apart until they finally reunite. Everything happens again and again. The cycle begins again, I go through it all again and again. I stand in an island untold billions of years hence, me, my wife and our daughter, looking at the winter sky at night, at those stars we called the Pleiades. I am looking at them again many years later in the Planetarium. I lie dead in a coffin, but outside I am kissing my true love. No, my true love dies moments later, run over by a car. This is not me. This is never me. And yet it is. Is it? Am I? Am I? Am I? I am. I am. I am that I am. Ehjeh ascher ehjeh. I am I. I am... letting go. I'm letting go, so that everything stats anew and free. There are no more cycles now, there is no more me, there is only light. In the dark, there is only light. In the dark, there is only love. Can you hear my heart beating?
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