Sometimes memories aren't pleasant. Not because they remind you of someone else, or because they evoke pain or misery or suffering. Sometimes memories remind you of who you used to be, and sometimes who you used to be ain't such a pretty sight to see.
HIM is band that I quite enjoyed in the late 90's, early 00's. I know that I eventually stopped paying that much attention to them, but here and there I'd listen to some of their older stuff - stuff I find still holds up to this day.
But I can't listen to them without remembering one very specific incident.
I can look back now and say that I don't much like who I was between 2002-2006. I don't think I much liked myself then, either. It all feels like it was set in a different life, almost.
Hard as it may be to believe these days, back then I never lacked for people in my life. It was rather far too easy to be with someone, and they'd come into my life and then leave before I knew it, in a recurring series of quite hard to tell apart from each other events, and for years I just threw myself away at whomever wanted to have a go.
One such unfortunate soul one day approached me at a club I used to go to and, not knowing me from nowhere, claimed I looked just like the lead singer, Ville Valo.
I smiled coyly at this, knowing all the while that she was wrong and very drunk, and then... ah, hell.
How I wish I could go back and slap myself some sense into me. How I wish I could excise the memory of me from all those poor wretches. They certainly deserved better - and more - than me.
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