Today I want a more pleasant memory. Some days I listen to Sopor Aeternus a lot, and it always brings me back some good memories.
As these writings often take a more confessional turn, I here admit that I have been in a number of relationships in my life, most of them very short lived.
In 2003 I was in a very brief relationship with a girl called Sara. No, not the one I previously wrote about. And before that Sara there was another Sara too. Ugh
There's this thing where I can't really remember much about many of those failed relationships. Some things I do have oddly viviv memories of, but mostly, I can't remember much.
It's like they sort of just happened, and they were not that important to either party.
(God knows I do not presume to think I was ever important in the life of many people.)
Now, with Sara - I can remember how I first met her. I can remember the very first time we were together (it's a hell of a weird story), and I can remember when and why we broke up. But most of what's in between, I can no longer recall.
Sure, every now and again I'll get a flash of something, but that's pretty much it.
But... I do have a pretty great memory from that time.
It's either very, very late 2003 or very, very early 2004 and Sara and me had gone out with a couple of friends - Fi & Carla. We were at this place somewhere, just sitting down, and enjoying a drink, when out of the blue we decided we'd get into Fi's car and drive out to Tróia - a peninsula just outside Lisbon - that, under normal circumstances wouldn't be too much of a hassle to get to, but considering that it was already after midnight, getting there became something far more time consuming.
One thing about me is that I don't often smile. I know of people who've never seen me smile. Even Silvia, with whom I spent some five years, would often comment on much I didn't smile.
It's not for any specific reason, it's not like I'm some perpetually maudlin, miserable old sod - it's just not something I've often had a cause to do.
Again, this would've been during winter, and I do remember that winter being especially cold. And because I'm someone who's always ill-prepared for pretty much anything, instead of wearing the far more reasonable combat boots I usually wore, I was sporting my red chucks. Instead of wearing a warm woolen sweater, I was wearing a plain black tee under a leather jacket that, while undubitably cool, warmed me not in the slighteste. So off we go to Tróia, braving some backroads, all the while listening to music on the way.
Now.. at the time, Sara's favourite band was Sopor Aeternus - I knew of them by name, but had never listened to them. It was during that fateful trip that I'd first come across that creature that goes by the name of Anna-Varney Cantodea. Let it be said, though, that I didn't pay that much attention to the songs - I couldn't even make out what was being sung.
But the seed was definitely planted that night, and I'd soon get to know them much better.
In the meantime, we were making our way to Tróia and shortly after we get there, we make our way to a semi-abandoned children's playground where I used to play as a young boy - my family vacationed there sometimes.
So the first thing that happens is that my trusty chucks become instantly soaked, on account of all the dew in the grass - what a fun way to start the night!
And yet... and yet I jumped on a swing at once, and for a long while, I swung myself ever higher, ever faster, something I'd not done in oh so many years. While I was doing this, Sara and my friends were watching me - I daresay some pictures were taken, though I no longer have them - and after I got out of the swing, they stood agog, looking at me. After a few short moments they asked, almost in unison : 'You can smile?'
Indeed I can, though I rarely do.
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