We met again twenty years from when last we spoke. You'd gone to bed one night, and for some reason you felt a sense of unease. You called your closest kith and kin, but everyone was well. That did not diminish how you felt in your heart, though. You tried to lose yourself in a book, but the words blurred into one another. You couldn't seem to focus, you kept on wondering what was making you feel that way. No matter, you thought to yourself, as you closed the book and placed it in the nightstand. You kissed your husband goodnight and told him you loved him.
You closed your eyes, then, but sleep would not claim you. Your mind raced, pondering on the day's affairs to see if you could pinpoint what might have happened that was causing you such distress. Nothing came to mind, it had been an uneventful day like so many before it. And yet... yet you found that something was missing, like a part of you had been chiseled away from you by some unseen force. Leaden-eyed, you tossed restlessly on the sheets, as if you were in some form of waking nightmare. But a strange calm suddenly enveloped you, and you could swear you heard a voice saying 'now : dream', and as a soft breeze caressed your troubled face, you felt as though some familiar hand had soothed you.
Sleep came, and you drifted away, beyond the shores of night, beyond the gates of horn and ivory. And you dreamt... you dreamt of all those things you had sworn to yourself you'd never dream of, nor think of again, the moments - now long past - that you once lived, but forbade yourself from ever thinking about. In your dream, you were happy again. There was a lingering melody in the air, as if it was calling to you. 'Come to me', it said, 'come home'. Bounding with joy, you leapt after the voice - you knew it, and though you couldn't quite place it, but it was so familiar. It kept on calling you, and you chased it relentlessly. Then you started to see fleeting images of someone, but you couldn't quite see who. Somebody you used to know? Whoever it was, you found your footsteps moving close towards him. And closer, and closer, but he seemed always out of reach, you couldn't stop for a single second or you'd lose sight of him forever. Then you stopped suddenly, and found him waiting for you - you could almost see his face but something obscured it. You could make out a smile, and welcoming arms that waited for you, wide open. You rushed to that golden embrace, and fell into a warmth you hadn't felt in so, so long... and then, fighting to stay asleep, wishing it would go on forever, sure that once the dream was over, it would never come back… you woke up.
You woke up. And you woke up thinking about the dream, but it slipped like so much sand from your hands. Again, that feeling that something was missing struck you. It was still very early in the morning, your sleep having been a fleeting affair. You couldn't stay home. You took to the streets, wandering aimlessly, stopping only to have breakfast in a café. As you sat there, you took out your phone, and rifled through your contacts, sending messages to those closest to you. Were they OK? Was everything all right? You had to know. Something was wrong. But what? You walked, and walked and kept on walking. Your mind was elsewhere, but your feet were guiding you. It was only when the church came into view that you realized where you were : in another life, this is where you would have gotten married to me.
You saw me then, atop a flight of stairs to the side of the church. 'Over here', I waved at you. You ran towards me, tears trailing behind you. But I was not there, I was now inside the church calling out to you, to come inside. Wary, step by step, you approached the semi-closed door. You saw some people sitting down in some chairs, some were crying. You realized a service was being held, and deep inside the room a casket was resting in a pedestal. The people there looked at you with strange eyes. Some wondered who you were, others thought they might have recognized you from somewhere. Though you didn't want to, your feet took you onwards, and as you approached the casket you saw me lying there.
There were no words for a long time. It was as if you couldn't process what you were seeing - I know I looked different, old, spent. But you knew it was me. You knew. As I stood by your side, unseen to you, I wished - God, how I wished - that things had been different. I told you I love you, but you couldn't hear me - not anymore. You ran your hand through my hair, and then traced the contour of my face. A tear fell from your eye, and though I tried to catch it, it fell through my hand. Yours lingered in my face for long moments, and then you gave me one final graven kiss.
I am fading now, going on to that undiscovered country. But I will find you. I will. Wait for me. I will wait for you. Forever.
As you left the church, you noticed that it had gotten much colder. The sky was slate grey, and it had started raining. No, it wasn't rain. You looked up, and a snowflake fell and it felt like a kiss.
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