There was a scandal. Of course there was a scandal. The headlines proclaimed my sentence with glee : 'Famous writer caught cheating on fiancée', a never-ending parade of my crimes and sins displayed on every newsstand, on the TV, and on the radio. My foibles made me the talk of the town for a while, and it made my decision to leave that much easier. Or that less hard, I suppose. The movie adaptations had provided me with enough 'fuck you' money that I could just up and disappear, and that's what I did. The only person who knew that I was leaving was my agent, I was still under contract for a couple more novels, but now the publisher was debating whether or not they'd release me from the contract, or hold on to me. To be honest, I was fine either way. It took me a couple of months to find the right place - all I knew is that I wanted to get as far away from the city as possible. I spoke to a number of realtors, until one took me to this property that was for sale, and well within my budget. But... it was just the property. No housing, not yet. Therein lie a great challenge. Therein lie a great opportunity. One I embraced fully. I sold the apartment, and bought a small RV - that would be my house for the next few months. Then I started putting in the orders for the construction materials, and very slowly I began the great project of building my dream home.
It took time, a long time, but I eventually got it in shipshape. It was almost perfect, but there was something missing. I had an office just for my writing - oh, I never stopped, and whether or not I'd ever be published again was not a care I had. I wrote the 'Summer' stories there, and I'd never felt so good, so free, as I did then. There's a rocking chair on the porch, and I can often be found there when I'm not working. Usually, reading, though sometimes I do have to take the odd phone call as well. It just might be my favourite place in the house. When I sit there, I can see an ocean of green stretching far as the eye can see, the only sound the soft sighing of the wind and the rustle of leaves. This is peace, the peace I'd always craved. This is the house where I live in. This is the house where I feel alone. Something is missing. No, not something, someone's missing.
Just before I left, me and Eleanor met up to have a talk. She'd given me time and space to deal with the fallout of what had happened, and I always appreciated her for it. I told her I was leaving, and did not intend to return. I was tired of hurting people. And though I knew that I might be hurting her, I had to leave. She asked me to stay. I couldn't, I couldn't. I wanted to, I wanted to stay and try and live and learn and grow with her. But someone would get hurt. I didn't want that. Though it pained me greatly, I left. I regretted that decision ever since, but I've always hoped that she'd find the happiness she deserves - I don' care about my own, but hers I did. I often think of her, we were still so young when we first met. Not even in our mid-twenties, but both of us already so goddamn cocksure of ourselves. Maybe had that arrogance we both shared been tamed... maybe. Then one day something unexpected happened. I'm sitting on the front porch steps, looking at the sky as dusk descends and the last light of the sun fades from view. I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. I take it out and as soon as I look at the screen I see Elle's name. My heart beats faster. I open the message. She says that she has to know if I want her or not, if I love her or not. Of course I do. She says she's ready to board a train that will take her to the closest town to where I live. She's going to get in, and make her way to the train station, where she will be waiting for me. She says if I don't show up, she'll know once and for all, and she'll close the door on us for good. I read that text over and over again, I can't stop reading it. I have a decision to make.
It's well past midnight now, I'm still in that porch reading her message. The sky has gone completely dark, dotted with stars above me. I see a vision of myself here with Eleanor and a child - a little girl - and we all are sitting here staring at the same sky, looking at the constellations above, seeing the Pleiades as they streak majestically across the winter sky. It sings an anthem to me, an anthem to dusk, an anthem to her embrace. I can't go. I must go. I can't go. I'm faced with a lifetime of emptiness or with the uncertainty of the unknown. I put the phone back on my pocket, and go inside the house. I lock the door behind me, and a chill courses through me. I jump in the shower to wash the day's grime away, then go to bed. I feel tired, and alone. I feel low and worthless. I go to sleep, and dream about Eleanor.
It's the next day, and it's close to dinner time. I'm sitting in the porch again, reading her message again. I smile as I read, then put the phone away. I know I made the right decision. I know. As I sit there, in the warm summer evening, welcoming nightfall and my friends the stars, a mild breeze blows past me, filling me with life. I lean down on the porch, looking up. My eyes meet Eleanor's, who was bending down looking at me with the greatest smile I've ever seen. She's left a couple of mugs filled with sweet iced tea for us to drink on the kitchen windowsill, and I jump to my feet to kiss her and smell her and love her. We grab the drinks, and go and sit down on the rocking chair, her sitting lithely across my lap. I hold her close, hold her fast. I'm never letting go. Never, ever.
We talk through the night, something we really hadn't done before. We talk about so much. I tell her stories about myself no one got to hear before. I put my heart in her hands, and she puts hers on mine. I missed her, I missed her smell. She missed me too, she says. I could feel it. We watch the sun rise, the first pink rays of light reaching towards out distant fingertips. We are sleepy now, and happy. Elle puts her head against my shoulder, and then we both get up to go to bed. We fall down on the bed, and lay side by side looking at each other. I started humming a song, though I was far to sleepy to remember all the words. She joined me in the humming, our disharmonious melody lulling us to sleep. I kissed her and she sang to me 'So can you understand why I want a daughter while I'm still young?'.
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