Day Ninety-two - So long, Marianne

When I moved to Carla and Jay's place, there were never any formal conversations that I'd have to contribute with any money, though I guess it was expected that I'd chime in... but I never did. For one, they did know just how badly I was being paid, and though they never knew where I spent my money on, I told them that I was sending money home. And I wasn't lying, I just did it like twice. One time I did send all that I'd made that month, and the other time I sent like half my paycheck. But some friction was starting to pop up, for sure. Jay started to show me his real colours - I didn't know him that well yet, so I didn't know he was an alcoholic, I didn't know he was a violent, abusive prick. He only got 'physical' with me once, grabbing me by my arms and shaking me while he hurled verbal abuse at me, but that was one time too many. Carla would then let me know about all the antics he'd been up to - how his alcoholism had destroyed all their savings, how she had to borrow - and heavily at that - from her own father just to feed his beast. She said that every so often he'd try and get violent with her, but Carla - being a big, big woman, strong and resolute as well - always kept him at bay. But a rift started to grow, and I took an intense disliking to him. I wouldn't say 'hate' , not downright, but it bordered on that. He became to me that kind of person that could ruin your day just by saying 'hello' to you. From that point on, I had to learn how to better navigate around him. One of the things I did was work double shifts - that meant more money, yes, but it also meant being incredibly exhausted. I did that for a month, with only one day off, and it left me on the verge of collapse. That not being a viable long term option, I started spending more time outside, but what with winter having arrived, that too didn't prove to be something that I could stick to in the long run. In the meantime, sometimes Carla would ask me to help her with the shopping, and during those occasions she'd try and broach the contribution conversation with me, but I always shot her down. Both of them had, meanwhile, taken a part time job doing cleaning at night. And since I wasn't contributing, I got drafted to cover for either one of them on the regular. It was only fair, I suppose.

But I did feel a sense of disenchantment... I wasn't happy there, I missed my family, I hated my job, and really, I had no true will to change any of that. I tried looking for a different job, and I got an interview for a spot at second hand video game store that was, unsurpisingly, right next to where I worked, but my working experience day there didn't really pan out into anything. I was already feeling lost.