Day Three hundred and fourteen - Emily

Who : Joanna Newsom

Album name : Ys

From : California, U.S.A.

What does she play : Progressive folk, indie folk, baroque pop, avant-pop, indie rock (at least according to Wikipedia)

Release date : November 14, 2006

This is a tough one, for a number of reasons. But it's easier to start at the beginning, I suppose. It's somewhere in late 2006, and my relationship with Silvia, though still in its infancy, was already fraught with problems. Mostly - if not exclusively - from my part, but they were there nonetheless. And yet, there were still some moments to be treasured. I'll never forget the house she lived in when we first met, it's the kind of place I'd always envisioned myself living in, if ever I'd had gone down that road. It was pretty small, just a smidge above tiny, and as you went in through the front door, you went straight into the kitchen, with only a small hallway to the left before it, where she had a couple of bookcases, with books stacked upon books. Then, to the right of the kitchen was her room and the bathroom. And it was in that room, that tiny, amazing room, almost spartan, with just a bed, a desk for her to work on, and a radio. It's funny how some songs you can remember every single detail about when you first heard them, who you were with, what you were doing. And listening to music with someone else by my side is a rarity - it's always been one of my go-to forms of escapism, just putting on those headphones, and going for a walk, and listen to music until my soul feels clean. There rarely ever was a connection between that side of me and someone else, but here it was very present. But we had very differing tastes in music, I think. Though we mostly sort of liked the same things, she was into these more... eh... pastoral, boring, types of music that for me, at the time, seemed to go nowhere. I found a lot of what she listened to to be deathly dull, but that's not on her - rather, it's on me. Because, and to be honest, I think that by 29 - that''s how old I was then - I think I was entering my midlife crisis. Not when I turned 40, and not - at least I don't think - when I turn 50 in a few years. But that transition from 29 to 30 was terrible for me. It did a number of my mind, I felt restless, impatient, I wanted nothing, I wanted everything, and I felt restrained by the burden of a relationship that in my mind would signal the end of everything for me. I couldn't accept that she would be the last woman I'd ever have sex with, I couldn't accept that she would be last woman I'd ever kiss - and yet, some time later I would have died for all that to have been true. But it was already far too late, even at that early stage, we already were doomed. I made sure we were, one way or the other.

What does this have to do with the album itself? Well, the first time I listened to the song that names this post - 'Emily' - was precisely in that room I just described. It would have been a weekend, quite likely a Sunday. I'd almost always sleep in on Sundays, especially if it was my day off. I'd usually DJ on Saturday nights, and most nights Silvia would stay with me until the end of my set. And even though we went to bed late, she'd always manage to get up fairly early in the morning and go out shopping while I slept. I'd only wake up after she got back, and the smell of freshly baked bread - or croissants, sometimes - would waft into the bedroom and I'd begin to stir. Then - and only then - would she turn on the radio, and it was always the same station - one that played indie and alternative music. And it was a very eclectic station - it could be playing something very indie, or something very electronic, or something which I found - far too often for my liking - to be just unlistenable drivel. And in one of those times, the radio played a song that immediately made me roll my eyes. 'What is this shit?', I might have said then, or at least something to that effect. And the song went on and on and on, the girl would not stop singing, jesus christ, how long does this song go on for? Aaaaannnddd... I hated it. I hated the song, I hated the fact that Silvia liked it, and I never ever wanted to listen to it ever again. Ever.

Cue 2011, and as I deal with a post-Silvia life, I'm trying to find myself again, to reassert myself again. In time, I find myself listening to a lot of new music, especially because at the time I was *addicted* to downloading music and filling my external hard drives - none of which are now extant - with as much music as I could. I recall my iTunes at that time stating that I had years of uninterrupted listening if I so chose it. I downloaded a lot of stuff - and I do mean a lot of stuff - and one day I came across Joanna Newsom's discography, and thought why not. I don't think it was immediately that I got to it, no, it's likely something that only happened in 2012, but I decided one day to give this one a go. It still did nothing for me. I mean, I was able to appreciate the artistry and the talent, but it was just still so damn... dull. I wouldn't mind listening to a few minutes of it, but listening to the whole thing was almost impossible a task for me.

A strange thing, then, to state that this album never fully left me. And if I said that I knew that this year it would find its way into my life again, would you believe me? There's a bit from 'Emily' that's always stuck with me - 'You taught me the names of the stars overhead that I wrote down in my ledger, though all I knew of the rote universe were those Pleiades loosed, in December.' - and very early on in the year I remember having a dream about being somewhere - somewhen - else and looking at a winter's night sky, and watching the Pleiades above. I knew that eventually I'd have to work my way to this record. But the timing had to be right. I'd have to be in the right frame of mind, and though this past week has been rough for me, pretty much the only bright spots were when I listened to this album. Granted, I didn't listen to it very many times, no. I listened to it maybe 2 or 3 times. It's a record, I find, that demands your attention, one to be listened to in peace and quiet, in the dark, with your headphones on. It's how I listened to it, and I rather doubt that this is something I'll listen to in any other way. It's testament to how much I've grown to appreciate this type of music, and though some of the songs here can be somewhat daunting in length - 'Emily' is 12 minutes long and 'Only Skin' almost 17 - as someone who's also been listening to a lot of prog these past few years, where bands usually have these sprawling side-long epics, it's rather easy to just go along. That said, though now I do enjoy the record - and if I'm honest, this is the only thing of hers I know - I don't see myself reaching for it often. I'll maybe revisit it, sure, somewhere down the line, especially because I now know it better and have a deeper appreciation for it. And I'm glad I went back to it, for sure. Never a desert island disc for me, but pretty damn good nevertheless.

I'll give this a good 4 out of 5!