Day Three hundred and twenty four - DHX 2

This world of online dating shit... it's awful. I feel disgusted with myself every time I use it, senselessly swiping people left or right, and it's mostly left, how can there be so many dull, uninteresting, unoriginal people out there? The bios - oh god, the bios. Look, I know we all have our preferences. I get that. But some of the stuff I've seen just goes beyond the pale. I'll never get the need for people list everything about them, using all the buzzwords du jour. It's completely beyond me, and to make matters worse, all these people seem to have an infinite number of interests - Jesus H. Christ, I know it looks cool when you paint yourself as an eclectic, cultured and impossibly active person, but come on, we all know how much time we waste doomscrolling.

I just can't, I don't want to do this anymore. My experience so far resulted in one (1) whole person showing an interest in me, and that will - with a very high degree of likelihood - yield nothing fruitful. I detest that I have allowed myself to become this callous, this distant - and yet there is no other hope. And maybe, maybe it's time I gave up on hope altogether. Hope, I cannot hope to hope, I dare not hope, it brings me nothing and takes, takes, takes and gives Nihil back. Nihil, nihil, nihil, nihil, nihil. Why do I do this to myself? Why, god damn it, why?