Day Three hundred and nineteen - Tide walks

This day was needed. This year was needed. This is is what propels me forward, this is what pushes me to the next stage, this is what - hopefully - moves me further north. In a short space of time - less than twenty-four hours - I found myself not once, not twice but thrice in situations where I actively knew I might come across people who - in some way or another - were important to me, and though I felt a burning anxiety deep inside me, a feeling that screamed at me not to go this way but that way, to take one road rather than the other, I braved that despair and went ahead only to not see any of the people I feared I might come across. I spent those hours lost among the cosmos, among the arts, and among nature. There is a significant part of my soul that feels better - I'd venture to say almost 'healed' - but my heart, ah my my heart... my heart still aches. It aches from loneliness and... jesus fuck. It aches from me being me. I am far too much 'me'. But there are lessons here, there are valuable lessons. Painful and real, yet necessary all the same.