Day five - Arclight

Funny thing about memory is that sometimes there are things which you absolutely remember, but rarely ever think about. As I finished writing yesterday's post, I found myself wandering back to a moment that happened right about that doctor's appointment I talked about. I was working then in a big multimedia store, and I began my so called career there by working as a cashier. Not long after that I'd move to the music department, and I felt way more at home there. But one of the girls who supervised the cashiers I actually knew before I started working there, she had done the same kind of job where my then girlfriend worked (and damn, still works). I didn't know her personally, but she and my girl got along fine, and I did know who she was.

So one day I was working the till, and sat next to me was this guy that I never really liked. Can't even remember his name, but man, did that guy have quite the opinion about himself - and maybe he had reasons to, but I always find a certain lack of humility in that regard to be somewhhat telling of one's character. And the girl, she was doing some sort of overseeing in the cashier line, so she was really close to us. Bear in mind that in this point in time I was bloated, fat, yet almost completely oblivious of my outward self. And the guy asks her if she'd like to do it with a fatso like me. She uttered no word, but made one of those mock disgust faces, as if she was about to throw up, and that cut right through me. 

A few things about this girl : very pretty, bordering on the girl-next-door beauty, and physically very attractive; she was a girl that took care of herself very well, and had half the world vying for her attention. And it wasn't really her reaction that truly got to me - I got more pissed off at the guy for putting me on the spot like he did. 

I can't piece these events precisely in the timeline that led me to eventually getting better, getting in shape, but in my mind these two events happened quite close to one another - I doubt they happened on the same day, or in the same week even, but they are correlated for sure.

I have not seen that girl in many years now, Sandra her name was, but looking back, I find nothing that needs forgiving. She just had  a normal human reaction, and I can't fault anyone for that. Hell, I've had plenty of those myself. The guy, last I saw him was back in 2006, me and Silvia P. literally had started going out, and in probably our third date together we went to this bar and I guess he was managing it. Even then I no longer harboured any sort of resentment for him, nor do I do now, even if I find myself writing about him and this event. 

I do it because I need to get into that very same mindset.