Day seven - Dream a little dream of me

Damn, I don't think I can go that far back yet. At least not today.

Let me write a bit about my dreams - they're always so crazy and vivid, and unfortunately for me I lost the good habit I had many years of keeping a record of my dreams, a diary of dreams. I can't remember now if it was like every single night, but most nights I'd wake up, groggy, half-asleep, and write down what I could remember from what I just had dreamt, before it became like so much sand falling through my hands. And I've always had pretty weird dreams, a bunch of them are either related to the end of the world or downright post-apocalyptic. Those are always very strange, very tense, very sort of claustrophobic dreams - but I like those kinds of dreams. This past week or so I had a couple of these dreams, including one where the world was invaded by Transformers and it became a hellhole, and everyone was just waiting for the world to end because there was no hope left. 

Sometimes I dream of places that don't, and could never exist. Other times I dream of people under circumstances that won't ever come to pass. Those dreams I just brush off, and are often washed away from my mind in a blur.

But for sure the worst kind of dreams I have are dreams that bear some semblance of verisimilitude to my actual life. These dreams present visions of things that though they never were, and in most instances could never be, sometimes there is a kernel of truth hidden there that shows me things that had I made either the right or different choices - there's a huge difference between them - then things could have been pretty close to what my dreams showed me.

It's not surprising that what regrets I carry with me aren't necessarily related to my own self, but rather to what happened between me and others. Some were significant others, some were friendships that fell through the wayside, and I find myself missing those people. 

Dreams often colour what memories you have from people that were once near and dear to you, they enhance qualities that you want to remember and omit faults that you either failed to see or worse, never wanted to see. You dream of the ideal, you dream of the person you fell in love with, you dream the hollywood technicolor dream of the perfect happy ending where you meet the one that got away years into the future, and everything is still magic between the both of you, the chemistry is there, the sexual tension too, the laughter, the yearning looks at one another... as if life had never happened, as if life had extracted no toll at all. 

These dreams are fleeting and I have them but seldom, thank god. Yet they remain in my mind sometimes for weeks on end. And every time I have one of these dreams I somehow wish that I would never dream again.