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Thursday, June 6, 2024

Day One hundred and fifty eight - Blind

Me and Sofia had been talking online for a few weeks prior to us meeting for the first time, but I always thought that there was something going on between her and Pedro. I asked her as much when we were talking about us meeting, and she assured me there was nothing goin on - she always saw him as a kind of big brother. Sofia was something of a confidant for me, it was with her that I talked about how Annie's story had ended, and how disillusioned I was. And she was always very supportive, and positive - something that really surprised me because we didn't know each other that well. So when the day came for us to meet, I went and picked her up at this library where she used to study for her master's degree in architecture - yeah, yeah, I know I know, another architect... maybe I do follow some strange sort of pattern? Maybe then, certainly not now.

It was late summer, still very hot, and she was sitting down on the stairs, idly lost in thought. But as I approached her, she sprang to life and greeted me warmly with a smile. I pecked her on her cheek and said hello, and we moved on to to somewhere else where we could be more comfortable. We agreed to go to a nearby galllery, that had a really nice public park, and we sat there talking for a while. I would not now be able to recall what we talked about, but I do remember thinking that she probably thought I was an idiot and we'd never talk again after that day. But most of all I remember sitting down next to her, watching the sun fill her with light, and I was looking at her sideways and she had this amazing smile that showed a missing tooth, and I was so deeply enamoured with that lovely vision that I found myself wondering if she could be the one. So, inwardly, I said 'I love you' as a test to see how I felt. Damn me if I didn't feel goddamned sure. But things, I thought, would not go that way. After a while of us just sitting and talking, she had to go back home, and I walked her down to the train station. As we said goodbye, certain that our story had already been written, I wanted to kiss her so much, but I didn't have the guts. 

I went home, maybe feeling a little despondent, and started to pack up my stuff. I'm not sure now if I had a later flight to Geneva or if I flew on the following day. I texted Sofia, apologised for whatever, maybe for something that made her think I was an idiot, and told her that I'd completely understand if she never wanted to talk to me. She laughed it all off, and said that she hoped we'd be together again when I got back. 

Truly, women are something I'll never get.

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