Even before all this, there had already been some signs that things might not be as rosy as they seemed. For months now, Sofia had told me how much she wanted to have babies with me, but lately the converasation had shifted into how she was planning to have an induced menopause. And I never quite got how that shift came about. There was also something else that, try as might, couldn't help but bother me. Now, bear in mind that we live in the social media age. We see thing, and sometimes those things involve those who we love, and when there's no context, you start wondering what's really going on.
And, believe me, I'd made a decision when things between me and Sofia got serious that I would not cheat on her*. I had learned my lesson with Silvia. And on top of that, even though here and there someone would make their interest in me known to me, I looked at no other woman. I couldn't, I wouldn't, I did not want to. How could I? No one could love me the way Sofia did. But quite often, especially there towards the end, when I saw her facebook page it seemed like there was always some flirting going on... a part of me wondered, if, indeed, she was the one cheating on me.
But after that chilly afternoon where I'd told her how I felt she was taking me for granted, things got quickly better. We had a talk. An understanding was reached. Maybe promises were made. Not very soon after, everything ended. To this day, I am yet to fully understand what led us there. But here's the rundown : that morning we'd been talking as usual, quite normal, by text. I was still home on medical leave, I was thinking that soon-ish I'd be getting back to work, and then I'd look for another job. We were talking, just talking, saying things people madly in love say. She told me how much she loved me, she told me she loved me more than life. She told me she wanted to have my children. My heart swam in pools of love. Future seemed amazing. I couldn't wait for it.
I think I had to go out and something or the other, but when I got home I tried calling her. She didn't pick up her phone. I texted her, no reply. Maybe she was busy, I reasoned. The hours went by, and still nothing. Then I thought, maybe she lost her phone, or she misplaced it or whatever, and looked for her online on Facebook. I went to her profile, and imediately saw that she'd changed her relationship status to 'single'.
That moment. That moment right there... that was the moment when my heart began to shatter into a million little pieces. I wouldn't know it yet, but that was also the moment where my mind started to break. I began weeping an ocean of tears that would last for the following year.
*there's a story regarding that that I shall be telling in the future.
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