Day One hundred and sixty three - Meds

I can't remember now whether it was late January 2013, or maybe early February, but for the past few months - it would have been probably closer to a year really - I'd found myself dreading going to work. I really hated what I did, I had people shouting at me for most of the duration of my shift every single day, and I'd started having panic attacks pretty much every day as I was getting close to getting to where I worked. I wasn't feeling well in my professional life, and I didn't want that to interfere in any way, shape or form with my relationship. 

Me and Sofia had talked about our mental health struggles before, and she'd confided in me that she had gone through a depression in the past. I told her that I'd always be there for her whenever she needed. Stupidly, I thought she would be as well. One day I told her that I was going to start getting therapy - it wasn't just the panic attacks, I was also not sleeping very well, and sometimes an odd feeling of sadness would come over me; it would happen only when I was alone, and maybe it was fear creeping in, ghosts of the past running their tendrils through my skin, or it was me allowing doubts to fester inside. Never about how I felt for Sofia, but rather about what she really felt for me. Sometimes I got the feeling that she felt ashamed of me. And I got this feeling because though I'd been together with her for a few months, I'd never met her family. Sure, I'd met her son, but she'd also met mine, as well as pretty much every one else that mattered in my family. These were thoughts I couldn't run from, and that I kept all to myself.

So all that prompted me to go get therapy. I had a talk with Sofia telling her that my mental health wasn't so great, and that I needed help. She went with me to the hospital, I had an appointment with a doctor, and soon enough I'd been prescribed a funky cocktail of meds. I was also given medical leave from work for a month, which could be extended as needed. I took it, I badly needed to be away from work, even if that meant that I'd be getting a check from social security for about half - maybe even less than that - of what I got paid.

I cared not, it was a worthy sacrifice. I felt Sofia's support, I felt her love, and all obstacles in my way would be dealt with. I had a plan : I was going to rest, and get my head in its right frame, I was going to get treated. Sofia and me would fall even more in love, and we'd start planning our wedding. I wanted it to be as simple as possible, just a few choice friends and family. Then, I'd look for a new and better job, and after all that got done, then truly, our life together would begin.