A few posts back I made an asterisk footnote mentioning a story that I'd be telling in the future. So why not do it now? And what that story boils down to is how so much of my life - just like, I imagine, anyone else's life - is made up of those 'what if' moments. You know what I mean - 'what if I made this choice instead of that choice' or 'what if I went that way instead of this way'. And one of my biggest 'what if' moments - which, as it turns out, is also one of my biggest regrets - involves and revolevs around a girl Sara.
No, not any Sara I'd've written about before, this is a wholly different person. She was a facebook friend - I had met her through a music page - and because we had remarkably similar taste in music, we got along really well online. And this preceded both ever knowing Sofia, let alone meeting her, and even Annie coming crashing back into my life like a freight train. Me and Sara got along really well, but we never made a move to meet in real life, though in many respects Sara was very close to my ideal woman : slim, petite, a brunette with long, flowing hair, and bangs that looked amazing on her. I also think that when we met she was seeing someone, so there might have really been no avenue for us to meet. But shortly before I first spent time alone with Sofia, and after the whole Annie debacle, me and Sara were talking online, and because we were both felling down, we decided to meet up.
I can't remember now exactly where we met, but I took her to a really nice bar not very far from where she lived, and we started to get to know one another a little bit better. I found her absolutely charming at once, and foung myself thinking that I could really fall for her. So for the next few hours we were just talking, and drinking, and looking at each other. Sometimes I felt there was something there, sometimes I thought that she really wasn't into me, but be that as it may, when we left where we were we went for a walk - and in the meantime it started to rain cats and dogs. As we stood beneath an awning to get some cover from the rain - though we were already almost soaking wet - we looked at each other, and immediately started kissing.
And we kissed, long and deep. And it was good - damn good. But that was all that happened - none of us had been planning on something like this happening, and none of us was too inclined to move things in a more serious direction. A few days later we got together again, and this time though, we ended up in her house. We slept together, under the proviso that we'd just be having sex - a friends with benefits sort of deal. I wasn't opposed to that, but when we woke up together the next morning, as close to one another as we could possibly be, and we kissed passionately, we both went 'uh-oh, this wasn'ts supposed to be happening'. Being with Sara was good. So, so good. And then Sofia came along. And I chose Sofia.
But... during the first days of our relationship there was a moment when - I can't remember what now - I got the feeling that Sofia maybe wasn't as invested as I was. And it just so happened that I also ended up bumping into Sara. Though we'd kept on talking after our night together, I hadn't mentioned to her the Sofia situation. And because she didn't know, she suggested we go back to her place. The doubts I felt Sofia had about us made me go. And again... being with Sara, staying with Sara, fucking with Sara, sleeping with Sara, waking up with Sara... was absolutely amazing. But I had chosen Sofia. Not her, Sofia.
Sara didn't take things well when she found out about us, as is to be expected. I've only seen her the once, and in the street I live in no less, and we barely exchanged a word.
How I wish I had chosen Sara. Not Sofia, Sara.
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