Day One hundred and forty five - How it ends

And it ended just like I'd told Silvia in the very beginning - in tears. For long, long days I stayed in bed, awash in tears, felling completely miserable. I like to imagine that Silvia - though in a different way - also felt that same pain. Because it must have been hard for her to let me go, to let us go. I like to think that she nurtured an hope for us - that somehow we could make it work, once and for all. And to give up on that ghost can't have been easy. It ended, not with a bang, but with a whimper. 

But was it really over? Well, in a sense, it was over - we'd never be together as a couple again. In another sense, and I speak for my part only, emotionally it was far from over for me. I'm going to jump a little bit in the chronology here, but that's OK.Though, in a sense they will be relevant to the story that's yet to be told, I might revisit them then. But I've only Silvia in person once since then, and then some months later, I think we might've skyped maybe once or twice. Once, for sure. The last time we met up in person, she'd come back to care of something or the other,and she asked me if we could meet up somewhere. I think she might've had some of my books and she wanted to return them to me. Fine, I had some books of hers as well, so we set up the time and place - funnily enough, in the same exact place where we first met.

And it was weird. It was... huh... a little bit on the passive aggressive. A little bit hostile. It felt like we were no more than strangers who'd just met and instantly knew they disliked each other. This would've been sometime in 2012, I'd say, maybe during the first third of the year, and I came out of that final time with her knowing that my love for her was fully gone, that my heart no longer skipped a beat whenever I thought of her. That realisation would lead me some... hmmm... interesting times, to say the least. But that's still to come. Unfortunately for me, and for everyone else I shared my nights with, my love for Silvia still burned strongly and every one else that crossed my life then committed the cardinal sin  of not being Silvia.

Though a few years back we shared a couple of emails because I went to Switzerland on holiday for a few days and I asked her if she wanted to get a coffee and catch up, but she just didn't have any free time, and truly, it was better that way - the last time we ever spoke was that skype call I mentioned before, sometime in 2013. I was going through some bad shit back then, and I needed someone to talk to, and we just talked for a few minutes.

So this is how it ended. But there's a part of me that will always cherish and treasure and love her - not a really physical or emotional part of me per se, but the ghost of a guy that no longer exists who loved a girl who no longer exists. Echoes that fade into black, telling the story of how two souls once met, like ships in the night.