Day One hundred and thirty three - Carbon

But before London, there was London. And by this I mean a couple of different things : one, Silvia - who worked as an architect at the time - had gone to London on a work trip for a few days; the studio she worked for had applied for the renovations/revamping of a library in the Tower Hamlets area of East London. They'd not end up getting the assignment, but I think she networked a little bit while she was there. Two, just before the Cris sex thing, me and Silvia actually went to London together. You see, a girl I know called Elaine - I'd met her and her niece Alice some years before - told me she was going to London to go see some concert, and she asked me if I wanted to go with her. I said ok, but I wasn't really interested in going to the concert, and I wasn't really that interested in being with her really. What I was interested in was finding out whether or not Silvia wanted to go with me. And she did, it certainly helped that flights were dirt cheap at the time, so we arranged to meet up in London - we'd be arriving in the same airport within moments of each other. After we all hooked up, Elaine went to stay with someone else, whereas Alice had let us stay with her. It was just for a few days - maybe just the weekend, really - and we could stay in her leaving room. Now me and Alice always got along well. She's funny, intelligent, interesting - and though not in a way that would appeal to me, she's quite attractive. But there was never anything between us, I don't think any of us ever entertained that notion. So one of the nights we spent there that time, me and Silvia and Alice went out for dinner, and I thought that things had gone really well, that we'd all had a great time. I thought we'd had nice conversations, helped by good food and decent wine, and that was that. But unfortunately, something that never happened left a sour taste on Silvia's mouth : she thought - for some reason that to this day I cannot fathom - that me and Alice had spent the whole night flirting with each other, while she just sat there next to us. Of course, I told her that nothing was further from the truth. But this perceived slight made it so that things became not very pleasant for the remainder of our time there, and still haunted us for a little bit after we'd returned to our respective places. I do think that that was the inciting incident that led me to sleep with Cris. Things had taken a turn, and no matter just how much I explained or apologized for something I hadn't done in the first place, Silvia just was relentless. I'm not ever trying to justify or rationalize what I did - and wish I hadn't done - but damn me if sometimes I didn't feel far too close to the edge of an abyss and was shoved down it by what I thought was a loving hand.