It goes without saying that before I made my decision to leave, let alone plan for it, I talked to both Dora and Ian. Me and Dora managed to maintain a good relationship after we broke up, and we talked about what was going on in my life, how I was feeling, how I felt I needed to get away from it all. And they understood - bear in mind that Ian was still five years old then, but I talked to him and said that I hoped that me going back to the U.K. might help him have a better life as well. It was my hope that, if things went as I planned them to go, that I could provide even more for him.
So, as expected, Catarina was there in Luton airport to pick me up. That's where she actually lived in, Luton, on the outskirts of London. She took me to her place - a nice, little house ideal for a single person, and two were already making it feel a bit crowded. She said I'd be sleeping in a fold-out couch, to which I didn't object. I unpacked the admittedly very few things I'd brought with me, and then she took me around the town to show me where everything was. Luton is not a big town, not by any means, and there's a whole lot of it that's rather centralized in one area, and that was quite near from where she lived. I made a notice of a couple of bookstores nearby that I'd intend to visit in the near future. I was on a very limited budget, but there were a few books I wanted to buy as soon as I could. So I settled in, and for the first few days, all I did was stay home, and apply for jobs online. I found no openings in or around Luton, so I expanded my radius to London proper. But as the weeks passed and no job offers arrived, I started feeling despondent. And as winter was fast approaching, I found out that Catarina really didn't have heating - and if during the day it was barely bearable, the nights were getting really hard to endure. She told me that if I wanted to, I could sleep next to her in her bed, but there was something more that she was insinuating. If I'm honest, I did notice pretty soon that she was making some moves, but she was a pretty weird girl... nice, but weird. And at that exact moment in time, I had no space in my life for more of thr weird variety. I think we only had the one night where we slept together in her bed, but I never felt comfortable. I could tell she wanted something else... and I just couldn't give whatever she needed to her. I'd begun realizing just how emptied of everything I'd become. I truly felt like everything that made me 'me' had been stripped away from me. And very soon I'd have to go and meet Catherine to spend some time with her. I dreaded it.
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