Day One hundred and twenty five - Sylvia

It was my friend Hugo who first started his blog - long since abandoned - and a bunch of his friends soon got theirs. Some lasted a little bit only, some others lasted a few years, but none are extant still. Not even my first iteration of that blog I had exists - I'd eventually come to delete it, and create a new one. But for a year or so, United States of Mind was where I irregularly posted about whatever. Sometimes it'd be ramblings, sometimes it'd be just the lyrics to a song I was obsessing over. Nothing really ever terribly profound, though I did think I had the best blog around. I didn't, obviously, but I was too full of myself. Someone else who also had a blog back then was Hugo's then girlfriend, and I used to visit her blog a lot. It was very sophisticated and literary, always a delight to read whatever she posted. Then one day - one fateful day - I noticed a comment in her one of her recent posts by someone named 'sil', who'd left a Samuel Beckett quote there. I felt curious. Intrigued. And so I clicked on her profile - you could tell from the profile picture that it was, indeed, a girl - and I started reading and following her blog. Again, this was far more sophisticated than mine own ever was, but I did no let that deter me. I started to make my presence felt there, and eventually we started talking via messenger as well. In one of those conversations, we exchanged phone numbers, and soon I was asking he out. Our first date was pretty damn weird - and that would set the tone for the relationship we'd be in for the next five years. We met up early in the afternoon, and went for a long walk. God only knows what we talked about, but we stayed together well into the evening, likely had a meal somewhere, then some drinks. For the longest time I got the feeling that Silvia actively disliked me, but I might've misread the whole situation. There was something I wanted to try - I asked for her hand, and she held it out to me and I held it. For the first time in the longest time it didn't feel alien to me. A part of me - albeit a small one at the time - realized that maybe, just maybe... she was the one. As the first wee hours of the morning started coming up, we kissed : a part of me remembers her pressed against a wall, and she pulled me in close to her, our lips locking for the first time. It had begun, and in no way, shape or form could I ever imagine just what was coming my way.

But I have to be honest here and admit that during the early days of the relationship I didn't think we'd make it. I was still in a bad place on an emotional level, and Silvia was never the easiest person to decipher. In fact, about two weeks into our relationship I'd decided I'd be calling it quits.