And then came Silvia. A different one, not the same Silvia from years ago, mind. And, if in Isabel's case there'll always be a lingering 'what if', when it comes to Silvia that would have never been the case. I mean, I never deluded myself into thinking that we could ever be in a relationship, let alone that we were in one.
So how did this Silvia story come to be? Well, I'd met her through the same facebook music group where I met a bunch of people who, in either a minor or major way, did play an important part in my life. But Silvia was always the one, who above all others, seemed to be so far out of my reach. Not only mine, but pretty much ayone else's - or so it seemed to me. This would have been sometime in late 2013, when we first came across each other on facebook, and throughout the next few years we'd have a very cordial, friendly relationship. She liked my taste in music, and I'd often share music with her. I got to know her somewhat well as time moved on, and that feeling I got that the was some ethereal higher form of being gracing us mere mortals only grew - I could never hope to even be with her one day, much less harbour some sort of romantic aspiration.
But eventually we started getting a bit closer. The conversations had gotten more intense, more personal. A desire to be with er started to grown in me, and sometime in 2015 we agreed to meet in person. I'm guessing this would have been circa summer 2015, it was after me and Sonia had split up. However, I agreed to meet her knowing full well alll the caveats that came with making that choice. I knew and understood that she was married. I knew and understood that she had a family. I knew and understood that, though we were extraordinarily similar in terms of culture - books, records, films, these things matter - we were widly different when it came to our socio-economical status. Both Silvia and her husband worked well paying jobs, and they lived a high-end kind of life. I had to be aware, and understanding, of all these things before anything else.
So one day off I go to meet her, she'd asked me to meet her at this big bookshop near where she lived. I found her in the first floor, sat on a sofa, reading something. I sat down next to her, and after a few moments, sparks started to fly. We were electric. Livewires. When we kissed for the first time barely a few minutes into our first having met. I could have sworn we'd outshine the sun. Something rather complicated had begun that day, something that would last until 2017.
Of course, what with all these caveats, I realized that I could never be in a relationship with her - she'd never give up what she had for me, and I fully accepted that. It also meant that we weren't together that often. Sometimes some months would pass before we next saw each other. But seeing Silvia, being with Silvia, always made me feel incredibly fortunate.
What, I wondered, did she see in me?
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