Silvia had asked something of me once, something so important, so monumental, that I stupidly ignored. No, ignored isn't the right word... it was more like when we two finally spent a night together (though it wasn't a night, it was only a few hours) I was so immersed in her grace that no thoughst crossed my mind. But months before that night, she once told me 'make love to me, and you can fuck me all you want'. Of course I didn't make love to her, we fucked our brains out.
But her request lingered with me for a long time afterwards. I'd never even once considered how many times she must have asked this of others - I learned, fairly early on, that I wasn't the only one. And I'm not even talking about her husband, she told me there were two other guys she had sex with. Why I didn't see this as a red flag is anyone's guess, but then again, I am notoriously bad at detecting them. Or I just plain ignore them pesky things.
That night we shared happened on the eve of me leaving town for a few days - I had been writing occassionally for an online music magazine and I was scheduled to travel to go cover a gig. It also helped that I was having some time off from work, so my travels would be not only for 'work', but also I could spend some time away and get some rest done. We had been talking all day, and I'd told her that I'd love to be with her before I left. But that was all I meant - to be alone with her. I would have been happy just to be with her alone in her car, just the two of us. However, she asked me if I knew someplace where we could rent a room and be together. I did, but even so all I imagined that would be happening was us lying in a naked embrace.
And of course, this is not what happened. When the goddess undressed, I became instinct. I became desire. I became sex. We became sex. We became. We came. It was good - very, very good. And yet, it could have been so much better. I knew deep down that this would forever be our one moment together, and for a long time I wished I had done certain things differently. Not because I hoped that we'd be together again, but because I selfishly wanted her to always remember that night fondly.
We spent a little time together in bed, in that naked embrace I had so longed for. I'd dreamt - daydreamt! - so often about that moment. Me, lost in wonder at the sight of her, her hair upon the pillow like a sleepy golden storm. Us, closer than ever before. Our skins as one. Our breaths as one. But our hearts... ah our hearts, would never be as one.
She had her car parked nearby, and as I walked her to the corner, I finally realized that our steps would never rhyme. I would never again be with Silvia, after that night, and we rarely talked afterwards. That's no way tp say goodbye, but it was the goodbye we got.
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