Day One hundred and ninety six - Was hast du mit meinem Herz getan?

I'd have said that Silvia and me were going nowhere fast, but that would imply that we were going somewhere at all. We weren't. We weren't anything, by and large, other than two people who would sometimes meet up and make out for a few moments - that's all that happened between us until our very last time together. It was always good, but there was a part of me that started to want more. It started to want the impossible. Because what I wanted, Silvia would never be able to give me. She'd have to give up on way too much just for me. And, knowing all that full well, I couldn't blame her. So I did the logical thing.

I started to keep my distance from her, started to talk less with her, started not having that initiative to ask her if I could be with her. And it worked for a while. 

In the meantime, me and Isabel were still firmly doing our 'fuck buddies' shtick, and though by then I knew that feelings were involved, we were managing to keep it going. I was spending more time with her, had nothing to distract me, and in all fairness - she was looking like a good prospect. But fate... fate is a motherfucker. Early December 2016 me and Isabel went out to see a band we liked a lot play live. We'd met early to grab a bite to eat before the gig, andit just so happened that some moments before the dorrs opened, we actually walked past Silvia - though I hadn't noticed her. She'd tell me a few minutes later when we actually bumped into each other that she'd seen me with my girlfriend. I told her Isabel was not my girlfriend - and that wast a lie. I did tell her, though, that she was a friend, though I omiited the 'with benefits' part.

Silvia's pull was magnetic. Though I was there with Isabel, yes, I had to be with Silvia again. I had to kiss her again. I had to feel her tongue snake around mine. And it happened in two occasions. She had me. She had me good. 

For the next few days, she was all I could think about. My desire for her had grown a thousandfold since that night. We talked daily, we texted all the time, and then... then came our very first - and final - night together.

And I have to be honest - I wasn't intending on having sex with her. No, I wanted something more romantic. I just wanted to lay in bed next to her, feel her heart beat with mine, feel her skin touching my skin, feel the warmth of her breath, feel her chest as it rose and fell. I wanted an intimacy, so sacred, so silent, so utterly unspoken, that neither of us would ever forget it. I had never felt desire such as this - to just be with her in a timeless moment - a perfect moment - where my hands ran through her golden locks.